Half-Assin It

(Included- Week 4-6 Update Of Operation Big Butt)

I feel like I have been half-assing life. Half-assing my workouts, half-assing my reading and learning I want to get done, half-assing my to-do lists, half-assing my goals. Half-assing everything really. I blame the weather, I’m so fucking over winter and how cold it is. Haha. I also blame myself for getting a little too drunk on Saturday (I puked all day Sunday as punishment) even though I am very well aware of the negative effects it has on me. I am my own fucking worst enemy. LOL. (And Fireball tastes way too damn good)

Well I am tired of half-assing. My biggest motivation for me right now is how bad I want to lose this belly and grow my booty. I have had this goal for so damn long already, it’s about time I fucking accomplish it. I want to be comfortable in a bathing suit, be able to wear skin tight dresses with some curves and not look 6 months pregnant and I want to fucking rock a crop top without looking like a hillbilly wearing too small of a shirt. I have been trying to think of how to push myself more in the gym so I will sweat my ass off and also increase my mood and stabilize it. Speaking of which, I shit the bed this week (week 6) and have only gone once so far… Stomach wasn’t too happy about puking so much (oops) and appetite has been in the shits because of it too. Anyway, I’m going to up the energy. I did good week 4 but totally killed it week 5, just need to keep that energy going and not get drunk!!

I am taking a break from getting drunk and not having as many sweets. If I do drink, it will be a 2 drink maximum. I have done this in the past where I take a few months off and I feel AMAZING. I have mental clarity, less mood swings, less laziness, less set-backs, and way better consistency with doing the things I want to do. As for the sweets. I’m 100% addicted. I get so cranky if I can’t have my sweets when I want them… so that should be a sign alone that I need to cut back. Also, the fat on my belly is most likely from the sweets and booze so cutting back on all this will help me reach my goals.

To help me reach my goals I am going to need to really learn what the word sacrifice means and learn how to use willpower. Haha. In order for me to be happy, I need to create the life I envision for myself. My bad habits get in the way, and my bad habits really fuck with my moods. I need to learn to be my own best friend and not my worst enemy. I’m in a place where I just have had enough. Enough of not reaching my goals, enough of giving in to things that are bad for me, enough of putting everyone else first, enough of giving a shit what people think of me and what I do, I am just DONE. I want the gym and eating healthy to become my life, regardless of who it affects because I need to feel good consistently. I know I seem to be on repeat but this is what I need to do to keep me going and keep me from falling off the wagon completely. I need to write it out.

So here is to not giving in to my demons anymore, using my full-ass, being selfish and to stop being a fucking loser.


The Determined Booty Grower


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