Depression, Life Lessons

Everything Else Can Wait

Teaching yourself to let go of your every day to-do’s and focus on yourself is something that I have always struggled with, something that I needed to do this week. I felt a little lazy this weekend, didn’t accomplish any of the shit I wanted to, then on Monday I went for a big run and felt exhausted after… I haven’t been able to shake it since.

Having Bipolar, makes this a big red flag.

I have the physical symptoms of depression, but my mind feels great, which makes me worry that I’m walking on thin ice. On the other hand, it could be something else all together. 1. I am within the week before my period. or 2. I maybe drank a little too much this weekend (no hangovers though..PHEW) and maybe had one too many sweets. So it could be diet related. All I know is, my body feels so bloody exhausted and I’m going to play it safe and assume it’s depression sneaking its way in.

The reason I pick depression is because it’s the worst option out of my 3 reasons. You all know my mental healthy is #1 and I’m on a solid stability streak which I don’t want to end. So I had to come to terms with that everything else has to be put on hold and I have to be ok with that. Is that easy for me? FUCK NO. Could I even do what I need to? Also no. So I sat and I thought of my weekly list I like to complete and of my ever growing list of other things I want to accomplish and realized how overwhelmed I felt. Usually I like to complete 5-6 tasks daily but right now, I need to lower that to 1-2. So to ease the pressure I usually put on myself, I’ve created a list of what I want to get done and will focus on 1 thing at a time to make sure I keep my stress level as low as possible. By doing this, I’m lowering the risk of a possible trigger for my depression… Low stress = low risk.

On to the next possible culprit, my diet. Next week I am going to do an overhaul on my diet. I’m going back to basics! Protein, lots of veggies, some carbs, no sweets and limited alcohol. My biggest hurdle is going to be snacks, I will figure it out though. I also have been wanting to up my cardio to twice a day for a long time. I’m going to start with twice a week and work my way up. The nice thing about this is I’ll be working on 2 goals, the 2nd being getting my ass up at 5am… It will have to be done to fit in a 2nd cardio sesh. Also, I’m not going to listen to anyone about whats good and whats bad. There is so much contradicting information out there when it comes to diet, cardio, etc… and I just want to keep it simple as possible. Good diet, lots of cardio and strength training. Tootles beer belly… I’m breaking up with you.

And the last possible culprit, my period. If it was the reason for my exhaustion and goes away in a few days then that’s awesome. If not, it could be reasons 1 or 2.

Regardless of the reasons, times like these I am thankful for. It reminds me to slow the fuck down, look at whats important, stop trying to be Wonder Woman and refocus. Going back to the topic of feeling overwhelmed, I am the sole cause of that. My time management sucks. People will often ask me if I have watched a show or movie and my first thought is, how the fuck do you have the time to do that?! LOL. My home is by no means a pig-sty. I have a bit of OCD to keeping a tidy house but I make it 10x more work than it needs to be. I have a bad habit, I don’t clean up after myself. I do laundry and don’t fold it for days, I make supper and just put the dishes in the sink… not rinsed (my boyfriend always gives me shit). So when it comes time for my weekly clean which I do Wednesdays and Thursdays, it takes me 10x longer than it needs to and I probably wash clean clothes a couple times. I realized this week how easily my problems can be avoided. It comes down to time management. Clean up after every meal, fold the damn clothes, get off the fucking phone and stop playing Township (LOL so fun!) and drill into my fuckin head the following:
– PRIORITIES OVER PLEASURE
– SACRIFICES
– COMPLETING GOALS WILL FEEL 1000000000X BETTER THAN GIVING IN TO PLEASURES THAT ADD NO VALUE TO MY LIFE.
– LEARN WILL POWER
– BE A DOER
– COMPLETING THESE GOALS WILL GIVE YOU WANT YOU WANT IN LIFE. A BANGIN BODY AND MORE FREE TIME TO RELAX AND/OR DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
– STOP BEING RIDICULOUS.

What I’m doing is changing who I am, changing how I live and changing bad habits. Change is a lot of hard work and it takes repeated failures to be successful. I’m awesome at failing lol, but I keep on truckin. I’m not saying this week has been a failure but it forced me to take a look at areas that need work, look at why I feel so busy every day, why I lack free time and why I’m not seeing drastic changes in my body. So the rest of this week is going to be about rest and looking forward to the plans I have. I have Bookclub tomorrow, I have grown to get super excited about going… It’s the first one I have ever been in, it’s always a good time and I love all the different opinions! Saturday is super exciting too because my bestie is getting married and we are having our first meeting all together with the bridal party.. YAY! I love weddings!!!

I hope everyone is having a better week than I am. I am trying to look on the bright side and do my best to not fall into the dark hole. Just always remember, if you need a break… fucking take it! Everything else can wait ❤

Until next time – x0.

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